Under the Weather...

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I have been feeling under the weather this week,  a battle with the flu. On Monday right after I baked and packaged cookies for Simon´s school, I went straight to bed. I have been a bit of a sleeping beauty this week, my husband is amazed at how much I have slept. I am not surprised, my body tends to shut down, when it has had enough, it just requires me to sleep. While I do have the flu, I have been worrying about some things lately, and just wore myself out I suppose. As most of you know, I live far away from my family, factor in that Christmas is upon us, I become an emotional mess. This year is different, my mom, has been having some health issues, to many frequent  ambulance rides to the ER, because of her heart. My baby sister just gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl, but there were some complications, and my sister is weak, but on the mend. I worry about my father, and what it´s been like for him to see my mom, in and out of the hospital. I just feel helpless, I want to wave a magic wand and make everything better, let them know that things are going to be alright. If that were not enough, I somehow feel the need to cross off one hundred things on an impossible holiday to-do list. What is it about Christmas, that has us hopping through hoops and running around like crazy people. Why do we expect so much of ourselves? Amidst one of my sleepy febrile hazes, I found myself fretting about not having tied greenery and ribbon around our mailbox ??!! Really, does it make a difference, I don´t even think my lovely mailman will notice. We didn´t string lights out on the porch yet  this year. I hope the christmas light police don´t arrest us. Quite frankly I should be real proud of myself for having put up two christmas trees, right ? Why is it so hard to see that we cannot be everywhere, we cannot be something for everyone, and we cannot do everything all at once.  During one afternoon, Simon came to snuggle with me, and asked if I was getting better, I told him "yes, I am", to which he replied, "I am glad mommy, see you just needed to rest". Smart little monkey, he´s right, during my sleepy  four day slumber, I did rest, and think and pray. I do some of my best praying when I am feeling lost and hopeless. I lit a candle yesterday, for me and for anyone who might need it.  Christmas is such  a lovely time of the year..but its not easy for everyone..for so many different reasons. We all have hopes and expectations of what it should be like, what it could be like. We all most certainly miss someone around our tables. All I can say is rest, slow down and be gentle with yourself and with others, I wish you a gentle Christmas.








Comments

  1. MaryDecember 19, 2014 at 8:46 PM

    Hope you feel better soon, and thank you for the reflective post. Hugs, Mary

    ReplyDelete

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